A Letter to My Ex-Husband’s New Girlfriend

You’re captivated by him. I know.

Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

Julie:

I know how exciting it must feel to have met this new person. He seems polite, gentle and attentive. You are hearing how much I hurt him and that I am the cause of an array of issues with his children. And the reason he does not see them is because of me. I know you feel compassion and empathy for him and it draws you to him.

You likely have a religious background and beliefs and possibly legalistic views on the traditional service roles of women, submission, marriage and divorce. You must be a Christian who has grown up in church and holds to religious teachings. I believe that you are kind, gentle, warm and happy. You are likely fun and full of dreams, empathetic, compassionate and giving. You are someone who wants to please, love deeply and give from your heart. You are flexible, compliant, easy going and do not have a strong or overpowering temperament. You may have been treated poorly, experienced pain in your family or in other relationships. You don’t show outward signs that you are strong or empowered. I believe you are someone who does not understand boundaries and how to use them. You may not know how to care for yourself or have a standard that you deserve to be loved, cared for and valued. You may not know that you deserve as much love and care as you give to others. You may be insecure and lack confidence because you have been hurt. I think that you must be ten or more years younger than him.

Is he the first person that really connects with you, listens, is attentive, spends time getting to know you and asks questions? He chivalrously moves to the traffic side of the sidewalk and tells you that he should always walk on that side to protect you. He learned that from his grandfather. He gave you a bouquet of flowers on the first date. He kissed you on the cheek afterwards. On the second date did you go hiking? Did he ask permission to hold your hand? He bought a new car, but he will not tell you it was to help him impress and acquire you. He will ever so subtly show you his strengths and positive characteristics. He will spend money, only as much as necessary to draw you in. If his parents were living he would have taken you to meet them within weeks. He has bought you gifts. He has cooked meals for you. He looks at you…