"creates givers or takers": yes, I see that.

"turned into her mother": My grandmother is different from my mother. But my mother was mean to her mother. I can see a pattern that the child mimics the parent that treated them most poorly or that they wanted most to earn love from.

I am not speaking to my family (mother). The pain of it all is a continual burn.

You love and treat them as adults: That is great! Do you see that as rare in your experience of other parents? I have been continually criticized by my family for who I am and my choices. (Thus reinforcing why I disconnected.) They criticized everyone, including my children. I am not able to deal with that.

"Treat their children as property w/o agency": yes. Definitely there is a toxic religious root. But I hate saying it is generational, because it never should be excusable to be cold, heartless and cruel to children. We don't have to choose to be tyrants demanding respect. Why people have children and if they should is another discussion.

It is encouraging that you respect and care for your children. Should that not be the highest goal, valuing and investing in them so they will be strong and lovely humans?