Hey Jennifer: I appreciate that you are sharing from your heart. OMG! How much longer must you endure this? I didn't speak to my ex much, unless I had to. (I know different situation.) If it is possible, do your work and leave him hanging to figure it out himself. I do realize it is mediation. Overestimate what you need, to make room for negotiation. Your family and husband situation sounds disturbingly familiar to me. I thought of these when I was reading your work: Dr. Ramani - I found it soothing and validating to consume her youtube videos. She also has books. Shahida Arabi- look at her books. And Shannon Thomas- books or check out her website. These three women are power houses of wisdom and knowledge and a guiding light back toward wholeness and sanity. I hesitate in making suggestions. But hopefully at some point you will have time and find solace in these or others. Take care of you. (sincerely, your virtual friend :)