I appreciate your sharing this thought process. I have been thinking about my thought processes and habits or coping mechanisms. It is because of trauma I believe- for me. I can see more clearly now because I have made distance between the toxic ones and me. I also am understanding more how the effects have been long term. I always felt so terribly bad in the past. Now I have compassion for the girl (me) that suffered so much abuse and trauma. It is priceless to feel- not alone and isolated. Your sharing is important. You never know who needs to connect and see that they are not alone.