I just now had to read about Sylvia Plath and now I am interested in pursuing her work. She has quite a good resume, especially considering she lived until age 30 and she had children. This is the line about her that stood out to me (from Britannica.com: "The anxiety, confusion, and doubt that haunted her were transmuted into verses of great power and pathos borne on flashes of incisive wit.")

"the system": "devastation was contemplated before": No, I think I wasn't able to accept or understand that they wouldn't want to love me or weren't capable. The first use of system, I mention giving: This is about "them" doing nice things for me that causes me to think that they do care. The second use is about me feeling the blame and sadness; enough distance to begin to lose sight of how bad it is; and considerations of stepping back in because it is difficult to hold to boundaries. Overall, "the system" means that the toxic ones are trying to maintain balance in their game of control. They expect compliance and adhering to their code. For me, it relates to the behaviors of narcissistic abuse. I think of my family system as "mafia like" (in being cold, horrible and controlling).

So, in this case I oppose the system. I am the first one to challenge them. Their intensity, insanity and narcissistic chaos is devastating.

I very much appreciate your feedback and encouragement! I value your insight and support!