I've had people say these same things to me also (Why did you stay? I don't know how you put up with that for so long. I wouldn't have...) I only adds more pain to those of us who feel like we are dying. These words eat at us. It is also dumping (shifting) the truck loads of the blame onto us- who are trying to walk out of it and survive. I prefer to say, "Damn you are a M***** F***ing warrior. You are still standing despite all of the blood, sweat, dirt, wounds and tears, destruction and trauma to do something incredibly strong and good for you and your kids." It is not possible to understand unless you have had the same experience. I won't assume that the words are malicious, but they are painful. We need love and support, not more pain. And yes, it is a horrible life. We wouldn't walk through hell, while simultaneously blowtorching the remaining bits of our lives and money, trying to get out if it wasn't.