OH, Karen. NO! My heart sank when I saw your title. Reading through it- I feel sick. It is gut wrenching. I see that you can explain narcissistic traits. But I could not disagree more with your premise. It is dangerous and destructive to promote empathy for narcissists. I do see that you said "your ex" and are making a point that it may be good for us.

Narcissists are dangerous, destructive and intentional. My experience is that they polish their public created image while torturing and destroying their victims. Even if the behaviors are on a level of neglect and being parasites it is still destructive. Even after getting away from them they still lodge assaults against me and my children. I am surprised that I am still alive from the things I have endured because of narcissitic abuse. This is not accounting for the severe impacts to my children and others. One of the reasons that narcissists could continue to harm us is because of my compassion and empathy for them. They use our compassion as a tool against us. And they still try to use these to hurt us and draw us back in.

I have endless numbers of examples of narcissists that we have experienced and are surrounded by. It does not matter the level of narcissism or how far away we may get from them, whether we should feel anything for them.

For me this premise is like a tyrannical dictator that orders cities to be bombed, causing massive destruction and pain. Men, women, children, animals and cultures are destroyed by his actions. Their lives will forever be wounded, while many more do not survive. Their acts leave unending darkness over their victims. Then should we discuss the roots of the dictator’s wounds and frailties?

This is what narcissitic abuse is for me and countless others. Should we not tend to the wounded, dying and dead? Why should we spend one second on thoughts of how sad the dictator's childhood and deficiencies are?

I also believe that it is destructive to focus on or call the narcissist's issues mental health problems. This sends a message that they have no choice. They do have a choice. Daily they choose to treat others one way and their victims drastically differently. They thrive on our pain and using us.

I spent all of my compassion and empathy caring about narcissists and none caring for me. The empathy must be for all of us that have been trying to survive. Empathy is for victims. I cannot see any scenario that the narcissists should ever have any light or positive emotion focused on them. This is devaluing and demeaning to survivors.