That is the best question, right? What is the practice of complete release? Maybe that is the key phrase. Maybe it was complete exhaustion, crying out for help, arguing and pleading into the universe, uncontrollable convulsions of sobbing, surrendering; the intensity of it all. I had no influence of substance or alcohol.

You were tracking this path of surrender, release, letting go... You have the desire and ability of empathic, spiritual connection.

The investigation of this is intriguing.