The levels of grief and emotion that you must be wrestling with are immeasurable and beyond anyone's comprehension. Our babies are our everything. I hope you feel freedom to think and feel every emotion fully without hesitation or critical thinking, even your own. Anger is part of the process. It is okay to feel all that you feel. It means nothing negative. Yes, of course you are tired and feel foolish. But if that is what caring and loving your child means...

I admire you for your loyalty and depth of care. She and her children will eternally know they have you and your love, no matter what that love looks like for you from here on. The pain is grueling, but your heart is beautiful.

hugs to you!