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Why I Tell my Kids their Dad Doesn’t Love Them
They deserve the truth.
My kids are now young adults. I didn’t blast them with a quick, harsh statement that he doesn’t love them. They know at various levels what they observed and felt. But we came to a defining point during a conversation. My daughter and I have deep discussions, the kind in which we unearth and discover new understanding about our experiences. Their male parental unit continually contacts them with “I love you” and “I miss you” and he does gestures to draw them back in. It is the pain of cognitive dissonance that leaves them feeling twisted.
Our conversation was exploring his true behavior, actions and neglect. It is painful to say it to your child. But I said, “He doesn’t love you.” But for me it was a difficult and sad admission. It was that we knew it was a finality, we acknowledged it and laid it to rest. It is not that we didn’t know this already. His behavior is despicable and deeply vile.
When someone acts nice, says all the words you need to hear; blame shifts the weight of the issue onto you and denies reality, it is confusing. The need to feel loved and accepted, especially by a parent is a powerfully consuming force.
I did not want her to have to feel the bitter reality that her parent does not love her. I don’t want them to have to live in this life…
